So just this week I had 3 incidences that surfaced some emotions about my own personal struggle with food.
First, my mom gave me hell about not wanting to go to our family reunion. Then, my neighbor expressed how she misses having us over for lunches. And today at the library, my children deeply expressed their desire to eat pizza next week at a reading party.
Now if you’re new to my world – we haven’t been eating any sugar, grains, wheat or starch for just about a year! Why? To heal some SEVERE skin issues that my daughter and I had, along with some digestive complaints of the other two kids. Did it work? HELL YEAH. It worked miracles and set us so straight that I’ve become religious about eating clean and feel unable to compromise perfection.
The problem now is that last part – the unable to compromise perfection part – the part that makes me unflexible with my food choices and turns me into a psychotic asshole.
And that makes me feel like it’s time to heal my relationship with food and return to feeling more positive about eating.
I’m listening to this video playlist tonight:
I am finding so much healing in these videos because I feel like I need to nurture myself back into feeling easy about food and let go of the stress about how I *should* be feeding myself and my family. I need to let go of any shame/guilt/fear I have towards food.
I feel like I landed in crazy crazy extremist town with my strict healthy eating ways, AND, took everyone screaming and kicking with me. Generally, I don’t mind being a dietary dictator but recently, my ruled subjects are becoming restless and I hate the idea of being a mother they resent because I wouldn’t let them have a slice of f’n pizza at the library book reading party.
Ya know – the kids are getting older and it’s getting easier and easier to hate on mom…. and, OMG! I can’t handle it!! Even this week with limiting their screen time, you’d not believe the negative vibe towards me!! I hate it. LIKE I’M FEELING DONE WITH ALL THIS REGULATING THE CHILDREN SHIT.
(ahem, excuse me)
I really do yearn to be in a balanced state of life and see my family thriving in balance and peace and contentment. I like feeling good. I like having fun. I like eating food. I like offering nourishing meals to my family. I like everyone feeling great! I like everyone following their own path. I like everyone being independent and thinking for themselves.
My intentions are of course to be healthy, but first and foremost, BE HAPPY.
Wanting to always make the right dietary choices all the time gets my vibration in trouble big time when I find myself pushing against social situations and justifying my stance to friends and family. And when I get into a state of resistance and pushing against – I feel an undeniable glitch in my energy that cannot be healthy for me (regardless of what I’m putting into my body).
I still definitely want to treat my body as a temple and a machine that I respect but I guess I’m just in the mood to lighten up a little bit (seriously like ever so slightly! lol, but at least it’s some movement downstream for my rigid ass).
And most importantly, (besides just settling the F down about food in general) I intend to lighten up on my hold of dictating my children’s eating choices so they can trust their personal judgement towards foods that will benefit them, and to allow them to hear their own guidance system inside!
I am finding lots and lots of foods that make me feel amazing and keep me in improving health – I just need to remember that what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for others and I – I – I —
Ugh! This is so hard!! I – I – I need to work on…. Minding my own business.
Yep, just a little bit…. So I don’t take up permanent residence here alone in crazy crazy town.
Although here in crazy town!!
There’s lots of clear skin, raw milk and fantastic muscles!