Dear Diary, 18 July 2013

Dear Diary,

First and forth most Dear Diary, I’m always afraid I’m going to call you dairy. Yes, like cow milk products. It’s an old spelling fear I still carry around with me today. Don’t worry, I always double-check now.

It just started to rain and storm outside – and, I’m so glad! All the plants in my garden that do not seem to be producing any food, looked like I might need to start watering them.

I’m sorry that everyone keeps complaining about the weather and all the rain but it’s enabled me to stay inside and be lazy in the air conditioned house and, I really like it.

Maybe some year I will fall in love with heat and humidity and sunlight and sunscreen and swimsuits but – not this year.

So about those plants in the garden – I’m really disappointed that I’m not a good farmer. If my family depended on me to provide food from our backyard – we’d be screwed. And all those parsnips and radishes and tomatoes and lettuce that self seeded themselves, Who at the beginning of the growing season I appreciated their efforts – are really almost a nuisance at this point turning my cute little garden space into a wiry badly behaved jungle.

All the flying pollinators of the world ~ bees wasps flies butterflies ladybugs fireflies bunch of beetles I don’t know the names of, are really loving the wild growing space, But I look out there from my window in the air-conditioned house and wonder what the F are we going to eat. Why can’t I grow food like my yuppie friends and neighbors? Is it because I don’t put my plants all in a row and instead, let them grow naturally? Is it because I don’t test my soil? Is it because I plant too many seeds? Is it because I refuse to touch worms? Is it because I’m lazy and hate summer? Is it because I don’t send prayers up about it?

Oh well, I guess we can always eat homegrown food next year when i get yuppiefied, but I would still really love to get a god damn cucumber or something from this seasons efforts. Come on Mother Nature, quit being a wench and give it up!

Anyways Dear Diary, I’m just a little edgy and tired today – hungover from my tattoo excitement and drained from diarrhea I had today from only eating double chocolate cookies and pain yesterday.

I love my octopus lady tattoo – but she’s sore. Two times today she was rubbed the wrong way and it was from myself of all jerks. I’ve been defending my leg from the children triumphantly but here all along it was Sadie I should’ve been worried about.

Isn’t that always the flipping truth!

Well Dear Diary, I’m going to enjoy the last of the thundering rumbles and find humor that I can’t seem to talk to you without bitching a little, err a lot –

I suppose that’s okay with you but I guess it’s also why I keep a Grateful Goddess Appreciation Journal to keep the positive vibes flowing. No negativity allowed there!

Thank the fucking lord for that!

Oh gosh, THAT sarcastically made statement was maybe over the top, wasn’t it Dear Diary? I guess we’ll just have to blame that anti-christian outburst on all the obnoxious spiritual raping that goes on in my life that needs to be balanced somehow with sharp mocking humor or — you know, it could also just maybe baby be my nasty double chocolate diarrhea doing the talking?

But regardless, just so you know, I AM very grateful for that messy son of a bitching garden…

Because I do like butterflies,


**less hateful update in the comments**

One Reply to “Dear Diary, 18 July 2013”

  1. And 2 years later – I almost want to delete this post because I’m in a different place now. Although I was really annoyed at that time by certain people’s approach of pushing their views on others – but since then, have found many Christians that I literally have fallen in love with and they’re beautiful with their love and connection, beliefs, and actions.

    I have certainly grown and expanded within myself and I’m pleased to see the difference of my former way of reacting compared to my current way! Super happy to have improved in the area of unconditionally loving others!

    But – since the rest of the blog post is so stinking hilarious; it stays. Lol 🙂

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